Relationship Remix - Rebuilding Trust
Rebuilding trust with difficult people pt.2
Tuesday November 4th
Yesterday we took some time to look at what King Solomon had to say about fools in the book of Proverbs. Remember, we only looked at 10% of the verses that he referenced fools in.
What was the definition of a fool that you came up with?
This is what I came up with in my studying of Scripture:
A fool in you and being in a relationship with a fool? A fool is someone whose life is a repetitive cycle of arrogance and anger, driven by the avoidance of pain and the craving for pleasure, making them opposed to discipline and unreceptive to wisdom.
Go back and reread that.
A fool is someone who blames others for their mistakes or issues, it is someone who believes it is always someone else’s fault. A fool is someone who is always making excuses for their behavior and doesn’t take responsibility, correction, or change well.
What you see with the definition and in some of those examples is the difference between having a foolish heart and making a foolish decision. Making a foolish decision or response, there is ownership, confession, changed behavior. Foolish heart stays in the justification of actions, attitudes, and reasoning.
How do YOU rebuild trust with a fool?
First of all, you mirror their actions. I know Bill talked last week about looking in the mirror. This week I want to use it in a different way. You hold up the mirror to show them what they are doing. You show them their actions in a way that will cause them to pause and rethink, almost to knock them off course.
A great example of this is King David and Nathan. Flip over to 2 Samuel 12, I’ll catch you up on the backstory. King David was a mighty king, a man after God’s own heart. But David was also a fool. He was lazy, should have been out to war. He wanted to do things his way and had no self-control, took another man’s wife, actually one of his closest friend’s Uriah and his wife Bathsheba. Then tried to cover up his failure by having Uriah come back from war to sleep with his wife, but didn’t. Then David sent Uriah back to war and had him killed in the line of “duty”. All of it was because David was a fool.
God sends Nathan to David to put a mirror in front of his face. A metaphorical mirror.
2 Samuel 12:1-9a- The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, “There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. 2 The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, 3 but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him. 4 “Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.”
It was customary to provide care for a traveler if they came through town because it was an extension of compassion, also trusting you would be in good graces with the gods. But the rich man didn’t offer his sheep, the rich man offered the sheep of the poor man.
5 David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! 6 He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.” 7 Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. 9 Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes?
Nathan, through a story held up a mirror to King David to show him how his actions impacted those around him. It was holding up the mirror that King David then confessed and repented of his foolishness.
A great example of this is a story I heard about how a husband, especially in circles of other men would be incredibly degrading toward his wife and women in general. Many times the wife would even be in the circles and the husband would talk like a fool, as it was tearing his wife and women down. Through prayer and support of others, she put a plan together, that the next time he did this she would hold up a “mirror.” Sure enough, they were out, he was gathered around a bunch of guys, with his wife in the circle and her husband is telling an incredibly inappropriate joke about women. With boldness, in front of all the men, the wife goes to one of them, who she knows has daughters and says, “Tom, if your daughters were here, would you put up with those unkind and rude remarks?”
Instance silence, yes, her husband was furious, but quiet. Then she said to her husband, “I think you at least owe them apology, especially if they have daughters, who ought to be offended, and if they aren’t then they are as crude as you.”
Was it risky? Sure, but did she have a plan, yes. She was ready with someone to bring her home or bring her somewhere else. But she knew she had to leave him with a choice, exposing him in the way she did, allowed him to continue as a fool or begin to walk in a new way.
What the mirror does is expose their actions and gives them a choice. They can either choose to continue in their foolish ways or they can choose to make a change. It ultimately gives them a choice to wrestle with God and their relationships or stay a fool and face the exposure of shame, arrogance, rage, ignorance.
How do you look into the mirror to see the fool in you?
How do you need to have a mirror ready for the other person?
Show them their actions, reframe a story, have a plan to expose the foolishness?
Yesterday we took some time to look at what King Solomon had to say about fools in the book of Proverbs. Remember, we only looked at 10% of the verses that he referenced fools in.
What was the definition of a fool that you came up with?
This is what I came up with in my studying of Scripture:
A fool in you and being in a relationship with a fool? A fool is someone whose life is a repetitive cycle of arrogance and anger, driven by the avoidance of pain and the craving for pleasure, making them opposed to discipline and unreceptive to wisdom.
Go back and reread that.
A fool is someone who blames others for their mistakes or issues, it is someone who believes it is always someone else’s fault. A fool is someone who is always making excuses for their behavior and doesn’t take responsibility, correction, or change well.
What you see with the definition and in some of those examples is the difference between having a foolish heart and making a foolish decision. Making a foolish decision or response, there is ownership, confession, changed behavior. Foolish heart stays in the justification of actions, attitudes, and reasoning.
How do YOU rebuild trust with a fool?
First of all, you mirror their actions. I know Bill talked last week about looking in the mirror. This week I want to use it in a different way. You hold up the mirror to show them what they are doing. You show them their actions in a way that will cause them to pause and rethink, almost to knock them off course.
A great example of this is King David and Nathan. Flip over to 2 Samuel 12, I’ll catch you up on the backstory. King David was a mighty king, a man after God’s own heart. But David was also a fool. He was lazy, should have been out to war. He wanted to do things his way and had no self-control, took another man’s wife, actually one of his closest friend’s Uriah and his wife Bathsheba. Then tried to cover up his failure by having Uriah come back from war to sleep with his wife, but didn’t. Then David sent Uriah back to war and had him killed in the line of “duty”. All of it was because David was a fool.
God sends Nathan to David to put a mirror in front of his face. A metaphorical mirror.
2 Samuel 12:1-9a- The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, “There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. 2 The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, 3 but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him. 4 “Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.”
It was customary to provide care for a traveler if they came through town because it was an extension of compassion, also trusting you would be in good graces with the gods. But the rich man didn’t offer his sheep, the rich man offered the sheep of the poor man.
5 David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! 6 He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.” 7 Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. 9 Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes?
Nathan, through a story held up a mirror to King David to show him how his actions impacted those around him. It was holding up the mirror that King David then confessed and repented of his foolishness.
A great example of this is a story I heard about how a husband, especially in circles of other men would be incredibly degrading toward his wife and women in general. Many times the wife would even be in the circles and the husband would talk like a fool, as it was tearing his wife and women down. Through prayer and support of others, she put a plan together, that the next time he did this she would hold up a “mirror.” Sure enough, they were out, he was gathered around a bunch of guys, with his wife in the circle and her husband is telling an incredibly inappropriate joke about women. With boldness, in front of all the men, the wife goes to one of them, who she knows has daughters and says, “Tom, if your daughters were here, would you put up with those unkind and rude remarks?”
Instance silence, yes, her husband was furious, but quiet. Then she said to her husband, “I think you at least owe them apology, especially if they have daughters, who ought to be offended, and if they aren’t then they are as crude as you.”
Was it risky? Sure, but did she have a plan, yes. She was ready with someone to bring her home or bring her somewhere else. But she knew she had to leave him with a choice, exposing him in the way she did, allowed him to continue as a fool or begin to walk in a new way.
What the mirror does is expose their actions and gives them a choice. They can either choose to continue in their foolish ways or they can choose to make a change. It ultimately gives them a choice to wrestle with God and their relationships or stay a fool and face the exposure of shame, arrogance, rage, ignorance.
How do you look into the mirror to see the fool in you?
How do you need to have a mirror ready for the other person?
Show them their actions, reframe a story, have a plan to expose the foolishness?
Posted in Daily Faith Challenges
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