Relationship Remix - 3 C's That Sabotage Relationships Copy

Friday, November 21st

Christ-centered conflict is an invitation to grow in character, peace and unity. Conflict creates natural division, separation, divide. To see the division, you need to see what’s going on underneath, to see the cracks, the divide, the separation. It’s what’s underneath the issue that matters.

Take a look at James 4:1-2- What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.

He names much of what conflict is. What is the cause of quarrels and fights? Is it because you don’t get what you want? Because you want to fight to get something because you’re covetous? He is actually tending to each of the observations we’ve shared today, your character, your peace. But ultimately his focus and attention is what’s underneath the conflict, the tension, what’s stirring at a heart level.

April 15th, 1912, is a date in history where the greatest shipping vessel of the time, sank to the bottom of the ocean, the Titanic. I’ve asked in a variety of ways, from counseling to leadership development, what sank the Titanic?

I’ve heard answers like the hole in the boat, water, poor engineering, arrogance, of course an iceberg.

Sure, many of them can be true, but because I like to try and keep things simple, what sank the Titanic wasn’t the iceberg they saw, it was the iceberg they didn’t see. It was what was underneath, that they didn’t see, that sank the Titanic.

I would argue, in the painful realities of unhealthy conflict, that may have resulted in incredible division and hurt, it was what was underneath that sank the conflict or relationship or opportunity.

Seeking what is underneath is actually seeking unity and connecting at a heart level. Why? Because that’s what Jesus said it was about. Mark 7 Jesus says it is what comes from the heart that makes all the difference. Pay attention to what is going on underneath, at a heart level.

It’s what’s underneath the issue that matters. It’s seeing the emotion or lack of emotion, it is seeing if there is pain associated or influence from the past or a different perspective or even an injustice that is taking place and tending to that.

Can you take some time and look at a past or present conflict and instead of staring at the issue, you seek to understand what is going on under the issue? What is causing division, confrontation? What is the emotion or lack of? Is there pain or past associated with it? Be courageous enough to be curious.

As you do that, you will see it as an invitation to grow in character, peace and unity. Before you know it, you will look forward to being in conflict and grow in conflict. Yeah, I know, that sounds like an oxymoron, but if Jesus lived it, so should we.