Relationship Remix - 3 C's That Sabotage Relationships

Tuesday, November 18th

I loved this story I came across. There was a couple who had been married for 60 years. Throughout their life they had shared everything. They loved each other deeply. They had not kept any secrets from one another, except for a small shoebox that the wife kept in the top shelf of her closet. When they got married, she put the box there and asked her husband never to look inside of it and never to ask questions about its contents. For 60 years the man honored his wife's request. In fact, he forgot about the box until a day when his wife grew gravely ill, and the doctors were sure she had no way of recovering. So the man, putting his wife's affairs into order, remembered that box in the top of her closet, got it down, and brought it to her at the hospital. He asked her if perhaps now they might be able to open it. She agreed. They opened the box, and inside were two crocheted dolls and a roll of money that totaled $95,000. The man was astonished.

The woman told her husband that the day before they were married, her grandmother told her that if she and her husband were ever to get into an argument with one another, they
should work hard to reconcile, and if they were unable to reconcile, she should simply keep her mouth shut and crochet a doll.

The man was touched by this, because there were only two crocheted dolls in the box. He was amazed that over 60 years of marriage, they apparently had had only two conversations that they were unable to reconcile. Tears came to his eyes, and he grew even more deeply in love her. Then he asked about the roll of money. "What's with this?" he asked. His wife said, "Well, every time I crocheted a doll, I sold it to a local craft fair for five dollars."

You do the math $95,000/$5 …. Many stories of conflict, that resulted in quite the savings.
I share that story for two reasons. One I don’t think that’s the way God wants you to tend to conflict, granted Stitches of Love wouldn’t mind. But second, like 60 years of marriage, I don’t know all the conflicts they came across, nor do I know all of your stories of conflict. I know that even in me bringing it up, you have examples of people or situations.

Think about all the different shapes and sizes of conflict or tension. Black Friday is just around the corner, talk about me being conflict avoidant. Or drivers on the road to the workplace to friendships to family, all places for conflict.

Yes, the holidays are here and for some, this discussion couldn’t’ come at a better time because of the conflict with ___________ has already started simmering.

Not only does conflict impact “the who”, but it also is about how deep or old or fresh the conflict is, it may be minor or it may be a deep relational wound that has been festering for years.

My hope and prayer is that you will begin to see conflict with a fresh perspective, a fresh attitude, and a fresh plan of action.

What is God inviting us into? Christ-centered conflict. (no, that’s not an oxymoron). When we are Christ-centered, conflict should look like this. An invitation to grow in character, peace and unity for yourself and the other person.

Which means, when we ignore conflict, we are essentially saying, I don’t want to be Christ-centered, I don’t want to grow in character, peace or unity for myself or the other person. I know that may sound strong, remember Paul said in Romans 12, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. What I’m challenging is the status-quo or the fearful or the timid or the controlling or manipulating.

Christ-centered conflict is an invitation to grow in character, peace, and unity for ourselves and others. What a beautiful opportunity to be transformed.

What does this definition of conflict mean for you? What encourages you? What causes concern for you?

Meet with God and seek his direction for you and your view of conflict.