Relationship Remix - 3 C's That Sabotage Relationships

Monday, November 24th

Did you know that children ask, on average, 125 questions a day? And if you have a toddler between the ages of 3-4 that may be even more than that. Right, think about it. Why? Why? How? How? What is? What does? There’s a curiosity within them. They desire to know how things work or why they need to do the things they do.

For instance, why do we have to brush our teeth? Or take a nap? Why does the cat go to the bathroom in the litter box? Can I go to the bathroom in the litter box? Why do I have to eat green veggies? Why doesn’t daddy have to eat veggies?

Where do babies come from? And can I send my brother back? Why can’t I say those words but mommy can when she is talking to grandma?

We understand child-like curiosity, but on the flip side, even though they ask 125 questions a day, that number goes down as you get older. By the time you are an adult, depending on the situation, adults ask 119 less questions. They ask about 6 questions a day. Granted, you can find stats to contradict this, the numbers aren’t the point, it’s the dissonance between the numbers. As adults we ask significantly less questions and are significantly less curious than children. Have you ever wondered why?

Do we really have it all figured out? Do we really think we have all the understanding we ever need? What gets in the way of us being curious? Hold that thought for a moment.

Did you know that there are estimated 3300 questions in the Bible? Not only that did you know that disciple or being a disciple means learner. Which means discipleship means we are constantly learning. Unfortunately we’ve believed that to be a learner, it is gaining more head knowledge versus being curious to learn, learning in life and learning in relationships.
Notice what King Solomon says in Proverbs 20:5- The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.

God wanted King Solomon to know and for us to know that there is a depth to a person and those who are wise draws that depth out.

I teased it last week in our conflict message. BTW- anyone step into conflict last week and see growth? (I know I heard a cool story from my wife, as she is a substitute teacher here in Plymouth.) Last week I said one of the keys to conflict is curiosity. Even within our values you can hear the undertones of curiosity; risk, explore, see below the surface, each an ingredient to curiosity.

But the title of this week’s discussion is 3 C’s that Sabotage our Relationships- Lack of Curiosity. So what happened? From a child who asks questions all the time to adults that must know-it-all or play-it-safe all the time. What gets in the way of our curiosity?

What holds you back from being curious? Why do we lack a curious spirit? Why do we struggle, as disciples, as learners, doesn’t matter if it is in life, relationships, or conflict?

Is it fear? A fear of what it may cost? A fear of getting hurt? A fear of what we would discover?
Is it arrogance? I already know it. I already have the answers. I already know why you are or aren’t.

Is it ignorance? You just don’t think you should or need to be curious. You just don’t want to know, besides, if you know more you might have to do something about it.

Is it anger? You are just angry and you don’t want to be curious to discover anything more. You just want to sit in you angst and not ask any questions.

Is it judgement? You have it figured out and you can’t believe they said or did that. How could they. I would never say or act like THAT.

Is it laziness or the status quo? I just don’t have the energy. I don’t want to have to ask more or discover more. What I don’t know won’t hurt me. Are you sure? Because I’m guessing if you look back at some of your relational wake, I’m betting you wish you knew more about that ex, or former, or past spouse, employee, friend.

Brene Brown says, and I agree, “The opposite of curious is disengaged.” Disengaged from life, disengaged from relationships, all because we aren’t curious.

I’m curious take an inventory of your discipleship (learning). Where is your level of curiosity within life? Within relationships? Within conflict?

What holds you back from being curious?

How have you seen your lack of curiosity disengage you from a relationship or opportunity?

 How have you see your curiosity engage you in a better relationship or opportunity?

As God to help you be a disciple of curiosity this week.