Relationship Remix - Forgiveness Of Others

Monday, November 10th

This week we are going to look at forgiveness, but my challenge on Sunday and throughout this week is challenge your view of forgiveness. Ultimately because forgiveness can feel like a mystery at times, but forgiveness can also be really confusing.

Ancient cultures, no matter how sophisticated or admirable, didn’t value forgiveness. The belief, regardless of “faith” was eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth. For ancient cultures, forgiveness was confusing.

Or what about the simple truth, because you are forgiven, you forgive. That is the Lord’s Prayer, forgive us as we forgive others. Yet, how often do we not offer forgiveness, even though we’ve been forgiven. That’s confusing to me, yet how often are we stuck there?
Last one. The power of the cross? How can an event 2,000 years ago have the power in my past, present, and future, power to forgive me of all my sins and the power to empower me to forgive others? There is a depth and a mystery forgiveness.

We need to pause and examine the mystery and the confusion around forgiveness. Because we’ve all experienced broken relationships. We’ve heard the adage, “hurt people, hurt people.” But why stay there? Why stay in that belief, in our hurt. Why couldn’t it be, healed people, heal people? Don’t you think that Jesus’ intention, of forgiveness, was forgiven people, forgive people?

Then why do we struggle with forgiveness? Why do we get stuck, in relationships with moving ahead with forgiveness? Why do we minimize the hurt and just say, “it’s no big deal. Is it even worth it. Just stuff it a little deeper.”

Or maybe you’ve been dealt with an unhealthy or unhelpful model of forgiveness. Think about it, how was forgiveness modeled for you? Was it demanded of you? “Say sorry to your sister.” Was it used against you? “If you don’t say your sorry, you won’t get ….” Or maybe forgiveness fell on deaf ears, because in most cases people in your life didn’t take responsibility for what they needed to.

Or maybe people have given you some poor, pop-psychology advice around forgiveness or there is fear around forgiveness. Depending on what you’ve heard, some may think forgiveness lets the other person off the hook, or forgiveness minimizes the sin or hurt done to you. Forgiveness feels like a duty, “I just have to.” Or simply forgive and forget. But for “the life of you”, you can’t forget what happened, how you were treated, what was said or done to you. Or that forgiving means I need to be back in a relationship with that person.

So here we sit, in a room full of people, scratching our head about forgiveness. Sitting in the confusion of what has been done to us or what we have done, trying to wrap our hearts around forgiveness and the mystery. Because I wonder if we began to really see
forgiveness, the way it was intended, we would see that forgiveness is the way of freedom because forgiveness is the way of Jesus.

Notice God’s promise in Psalm 147:3- He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. That’s God’s promise, that’s God’s invitation.

Today, I want you to sit with the mystery and confusion of forgiveness. What do you believe about it? What do you struggle with? Simply put, do you see forgiveness as the way of freedom because forgiveness is the way of Jesus?

If you don’t see it that way, which I would argue most of us don’t have that kind of freedom, take some time with God. Ask him what is getting in the way of you understanding forgiveness that way. Then spend some time, in prayer, with God preparing your heart to do the costly work of forgiveness.

BTW- if you want to do a deeper dive with other resources here are some books.
- Forgive by Tim Keller
- Art of Forgiving by Lewis Smedes
- Total Forgiveness by RT Kendall