Relationship Remix - Forgiveness Of Others Copy Copy

Friday, November 14th

We started the conversation yesterday about a costly choice. We have a choice to either stay imprisoned by unforgiveness, which comes with the inmates of bitterness, rage, pride, slander, malice, vengeance. Or we choose the costly choice of forgiveness, which leads to freedom, because it is the way of Jesus.

Simply put, there is a costly gift of forgiveness. It is costly in offering forgiveness and it is costly to seek forgiveness. Repentance and forgiveness are not a means to fix behavior. They are gifts of grace to heal your relationships (relationship with God and one another).

Think about it for a moment. Knowing the varying degree of sin, offense, harm done to you. It could be a person who is a habitual liar, someone who gossips about you, it could be someone who stole from you or your company, it could be someone who violated your marriage, which led to a divorce. No matter what it is, those offenses can’t be “fixed” through better behavior by the other person. They can only be tended to the healing of the brokenhearted, the power of the cross, and the healing nature of forgiveness. Repentance and forgiveness are not tools to fix things, they are trust practices that that bring healing.
The first costly gift of forgiveness that you need to practice, regardless if you are seeking forgiveness from someone or repenting of the offense, is name the offense. Name the sin, name the debt, name the hurt.

Much like in the parable of the unmerciful servant, we knew what the offense was, you need to name the offense. Naming the offense isn’t simply blowing it off, saying, “My ex-husband cheated on me.” Or “my business partner stole from me.”

Naming the offense is sitting with a journal and naming all the ways the sin/debt/offense impact you, caused you harm.

Notice Proverbs 28:13- Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

Keeping the sin hidden within only causes greater angst or pain. I won’t get into the physical impact of unnamed sin, because it is true, besides we’ve already named the prison we live in when we don’t offer forgiveness.

I get it though, that can feel daunting. That’s why it is costly. But it is worth it because of the freedom it can bring.

Naming the offense starts with you, then you can bring it to God, share it with God, maybe even having the vision of nailing it to the cross. Then depending on the relationship, you can go to the other person and share it.

The caveat there is this, forgiveness isn’t dependent on the other person, it is to free you. Reconciliation is dependent on the other person, but not forgiveness.

Maybe, just maybe, the best prayer you can pray, especially if the trauma is deep. “God, I can’t do this in my power. You can. I trust You!! I’m trusting what you did for me on that cross to cleanse me and this situation. God, through your power I forgive ____________ for _________________.” 

Remember, we don’t have the power to forgive, it is only because of the cross. You are avenue, a pathway of forgiveness.

Another costly gift of forgiveness is, remember how God has embraced you in the midst of your sin. We can never forget that we are redeemed, that the debt we owed, because of our sin, was paid in full.

A beautiful picture of this is the Prodigal Father. The radical love the father showed his wayward younger son. Racing down his property, his bewildered son came home. We should never miss God’s embrace, in the midst of our sin, offense, towards him and towards others.
Which is an invitation to extend the same forgiveness towards others, if the relationship is appropriate.

Another costly gift of forgiveness, tend to the posture of your heart, especially towards others. This is like keeping an eye on the gauges of your car. If you begin to sense bitterness, jealousy, anger, being short with someone, especially if the situation didn’t fit for it. Then you have something else to tend to. Unmerciful servant is a perfect example of that. He received forgiveness from the king, but didn’t tend to the anger he had towards his fellow servant.
Also, this is why Jesus responds to Peter, how often do we forgive, 7 x 70. It isn’t an actual number, it is infinite.

Romans 12:17-21 is a great example of living that out with one another. Jot it down. But it is tending to the fullness of impact and what may arise in the aftermath.

Then finally, the last costly gift of forgiveness is repeat. As much as we want this to be a one and done, a quick fix, in many cases you need to tend to more than what you expect.

Forgiveness is not a snapshot, a still picture of a situation. Forgiveness is a movie, a journey of discovery and healing. Forgiveness isn’t a 2.5 second mental experience, it is inviting the power of the cross into any time you feel something in relation to that situation or person.

Forgiven people, forgive people, means we share the costly gift of forgiveness. We name the sin/offense, we remember the cost Christ paid on our behalf. We tend to our hearts, not being negligent of things that may arise. As hard as it is, we hit repeat, because forgiveness is a journey.

What action steps towards the costly gift of forgiveness do you need to take?

Maybe this prayer can help. “God, where do you want to bring relational healing in my life?” Who do you need to experience forgiveness with? What are the barriers to doing that?

You can also take a moment with the song, Greater Still